【】

Physical contact? On one hand, it's a vital form of human communication. On the other, it's terrible.
Touching other people is one of humankind's greatest fallacies. We all know touching people exposes us to germs, maybe diseases and definitely weird sweat, but we do it anyway. This is f*cking ridiculous.
SEE ALSO:10 very dangerous activities you should avoid at all costsWell, it's time to slip on your latex gloves and take a stand. Your gross body is your own, and it doesn't have to touch other gross bodies if it doesn't want to.
If you love someone? Stay away from them. If you hate them, please do the same. Here's how.

When someone tries to shake your hand, pretend you don't know where their hand is.
Via GiphyJust shake hands with the air in front of you. The person will not try again.
Wear some gloves.
Via GiphyWarm gloves, fashion gloves, rubber gloves. Take your pick.
Wear that Green Man costume.
Via GiphyYou've always wanted to!
Give yourself poison ivy.
Via GiphyThere are people on the internet who sting themselves with bees on purpose. There are also people who light cacti on fire, then eat them — also on purpose. Join the ranks of these fine men and add urushiol poisoning to your morning routine. Rest assured no one will touch you.
Make sure you are always talking about something annoying.
Via GiphyDid you just get back from an EDM festival? Have you recently organized your medicine cabinet? Do you know the most about politics? Keep talking about those things and no one will ever want to come near you.
Make every high-five a fake-out high-five.
Via GiphyWow, it's so weird that everyone is too slow every single time.
Invest in an expensive suit.
Via GiphyA space suit.
Use WebMD to convince yourself of your many grievous ailments, then stay inside.
Via GiphyThere is a 100% chance you are allergic to both skin and air. Better not risk it, right?
Three words: human-sized turtle shell.
Via GiphyWe're not saying it exists. We're saying invent it. Do the work.
Good luck with your life of isolation!
BONUS: Stranger Things: Hamster Edition
View this post on Instagram
相关文章
Dressage horse dancing to 'Smooth' by Santana wins gold for chillest horse
Okay forget everyone else -- this horse named Lorenzo is our favorite Olympic athlete now.。Lorenzo,2025-04-24- 煲湯的是七孔藕好還是九孔藕好-九州醉在市場上常見的有兩種,一種是七孔蓮藕,一種是九孔蓮藕,其實這兩種蓮藕在外觀上的差別並不大,但是自己在家煲湯的話七孔蓮藕是是比較適合煲湯的 。七孔藕和九孔蓮藕有什麽-九2025-04-24
- 請問薏仁米可以跟一起煮嗎 ?是什麽功效 ?跟黃綠豆能和很有營養的 。也可以喝黃豆一起煮 。黑芝麻薏米綠豆粉的吃法可以嗎?有害嗎?薏米具有補益脾胃,利濕的作用。綠豆有一定的清熱解毒的作用。意見建議:以上三者可以2025-04-24
- 前言:金牛座2021年運勢金牛座2021年運勢事業運勢 :2021年金牛座在事業上應該算是很努力的一年 ,2021年金牛座憑借自身的才華與努力 ,突破自我,事業財運上收獲頗豐 。金牛座今年的幸運數字是0 ,今年2025-04-24
This app is giving streaming TV news a second try
Watchup, the once-buzzy news video streaming service, is trying its hand again at the news game with2025-04-24- 前言 :答:歌名:《誰》演唱 :小柯作詞 :小柯作曲:小柯歌詞 :遇見你的我 ,碰到我的你在同樣的深夜裏 ,寫了同樣的日記望著你的我 ,望著我的你在同樣的時光裏 ,問著同樣的問題誰在等你 ,你在等著誰誰在等我 ,我在等著2025-04-24
最新评论