【】

Physical contact? On one hand, it's a vital form of human communication. On the other, it's terrible.
Touching other people is one of humankind's greatest fallacies. We all know touching people exposes us to germs, maybe diseases and definitely weird sweat, but we do it anyway. This is f*cking ridiculous.
SEE ALSO:10 very dangerous activities you should avoid at all costsWell, it's time to slip on your latex gloves and take a stand. Your gross body is your own, and it doesn't have to touch other gross bodies if it doesn't want to.
If you love someone? Stay away from them. If you hate them, please do the same. Here's how.

When someone tries to shake your hand, pretend you don't know where their hand is.
Via GiphyJust shake hands with the air in front of you. The person will not try again.
Wear some gloves.
Via GiphyWarm gloves, fashion gloves, rubber gloves. Take your pick.
Wear that Green Man costume.
Via GiphyYou've always wanted to!
Give yourself poison ivy.
Via GiphyThere are people on the internet who sting themselves with bees on purpose. There are also people who light cacti on fire, then eat them — also on purpose. Join the ranks of these fine men and add urushiol poisoning to your morning routine. Rest assured no one will touch you.
Make sure you are always talking about something annoying.
Via GiphyDid you just get back from an EDM festival? Have you recently organized your medicine cabinet? Do you know the most about politics? Keep talking about those things and no one will ever want to come near you.
Make every high-five a fake-out high-five.
Via GiphyWow, it's so weird that everyone is too slow every single time.
Invest in an expensive suit.
Via GiphyA space suit.
Use WebMD to convince yourself of your many grievous ailments, then stay inside.
Via GiphyThere is a 100% chance you are allergic to both skin and air. Better not risk it, right?
Three words: human-sized turtle shell.
Via GiphyWe're not saying it exists. We're saying invent it. Do the work.
Good luck with your life of isolation!
BONUS: Stranger Things: Hamster Edition
View this post on Instagram
相关文章
Make money or go to Stanford? Katie Ledecky is left with an unfair choice.
This is Katie Ledecky's world right now, and the rest of us are just living in it. Want proof? Ledec2025-04-03- 前言 :答 :歌名:《誰》演唱 :小柯作詞:小柯作曲:小柯歌詞:遇見你的我 ,碰到我的你在同樣的深夜裏 ,寫了同樣的日記望著你的我 ,望著我的你在同樣的時光裏,問著同樣的問題誰在等你,你在等著誰誰在等我 ,我在等著2025-04-03
- 吃鮮桂圓有什麽好處指導意見:龍眼有補心安神 、養血益脾之效,但龍眼甘溫大熱,一切陰虛內熱體質及患熱性疾病者均不宜食用 。祝好新鮮龍眼的功效與作用是什麽?龍眼就是我們平常所說的桂圓,龍眼是一種比較甜的水果,2025-04-03
- 蓮子怎麽曬不會發黑-九州醉餐飲網將蓮子外麵的蓮衣去除,放在陽光下晾曬即可。晾曬蓮子時,需要保持幹燥,避免潮濕雨林等環境,以免蓮子變質。蓮子在晾曬之前,也可以將蓮子心去除,以免 。蓮子怎麽曬不會發黑 ,家裏2025-04-03
More than half of women in advertising have faced sexual harassment, report says
If you are a woman in advertising, chances are you've faced workplace sexual harassment at one point2025-04-03- 周琦直接隔空喊話新疆男籃高層,到底是聰明還是愚昧?真的希望周琦和小丁都不要再拿自己的職業生涯做賭注了,把心思都用在打球上,別的事對你來說都不是最重要的。即使一時得到了很多錢,你能持續性的給俱樂部帶來.2025-04-03
最新评论