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Some disturbing but unsurprising news from Man-Land: Daniel Dopps, a Kansas-based chiropractor and human version of the word "actually," wants people to "control" their periods with -- wait for it -- glue.。

Yes, Dopps has a fresh patent for Mensez, a "feminine lipstick" intended to stop menstrual blood by sealing together the labia minora. 。

According to Dopps' LinkedIn page, the glue -- made of "amino acids and oils in a lipstick applicator," of course -- will allegedly dissolve when the user urinates, setting the stopped-up blood free. 。

In Dopps' perfect world, period-havers will use Mensez instead of tampons or pads. There's just one problem: no one f*cking wants to do that.。

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Obviously there are a few issues here. First, what sealant could withstand blood and sweat, but not urine? What happens if you forget your labia are glued together? Also, as several outlets have already pointed out, does the Mensez team not realize that while urine comes out of the urethra, menstrual blood comes out of the vagina? That these are two different openings?

Then, there's the way Mensez has handled criticism -- by insinuating that periods make women distracted and unproductive. 。

"Yes, I am a man and you as a woman should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn't," Dopps wrote in response to a Facebook critic. "Reason being woman are focused on and distracted by your period 25% of the time, making them far less productive than they could be." 。

Yikes!

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